Pablo Paperclips
by FullMetal Alchemistress
Summary: A crack story aboutThe legend of Neji, a pickle. Hinata, a drunken hooker. Ino, a phsychotic bunny-chasing...etc. Kakashi, the mentioned streaker. Lee, the...erm...I don't remember...


**Okay. So I got real bored. This is OLD, too. Months and months.**

_**WARNING: THIS IS COMPLETELY OOC!!!!!**_

-x-x-x-x-

One day there was a little cucumber named Neji. The next day, Neji was a pickle. Neji was a sad little pickle. He was a pickle that wanted to become a rabbit. So he took a walk to keep himself from writing anything _else _on the walls **(cough)**.

Neji the pickle ran around the woods at three in the morning until he tripped and fell. The poor little pickle rolled down the hill until he saw a field of rabbits.

"MY BUNNEH!" yelled a shorthaired girl running after the rabbits. She was wearing a tee shirt that said 'Will Flash 4 Food'.

Ino ran around and chased the rabbits. Neji, just to see if Ino would notice, bounced around the field like a rabbit.

"Look!" Ino pointed. "A drunken pickle!"

"WHERE?!" Just then, Hinata stumbled out from the trees holding the biggest bottle of alcohol Neji had ever seen.

"DID I TELL YOU YOU COULD COME OUT HUR?!" Ino shouted, pointing to her. "You BEST get yo butt back in dem trees!" She warned.

"I ain't gunna take dis crap…"

"Yes you are!" Ino pulled out Pablo Paperclips the whip and Neji took a step backwards out of fear. Then took two steps forward because he could have SWORN there was a shiny nickel in the grass.

Hinata stumbled back into the trees mumbling something about the sneaky squirrels and about how the silverware paid more. As soon as she got behind the trees, Neji caught a glimpse of something that resembled Shrek streaking across the field.

"Shrek?!" Ino called out. Just then all the rabbits died.

"Nope, must've been Kakashi." Neji clarified.

"OMFG!!!" Ino exclaimed. "I am TOTALLY missing pokemon! I must watch him Catch 'em all! Because he should be twenty by now, but he's still only ten! And who the heck lets their kid travel cross-country at that age?! He could get raped by that mysterious goat, Pete!!"

Neji turned and blinked at her. "I tried to remember what I forgot, but then got lost and forgot that I was trying to remember what I forgot so I decided to forget that." Ino lifted her foot to try and kick Neji, but stopped short.

"Oh no." She dragged Neji to the grocery store a few thousand miles away and they stopped in front of the food with a basket.

Neji flipped through the yellow boxes. "We'll need lunchables. Lots and lots of lunchables. Oh, and we'll need to pick up some cheese wiz for the cat."

Ino eyed Neji – more like checked her out** (Author nods with a dirrrrty smile)** "You got a cat?" Ino asked flatly. "What aren't you telling me?"

Before Neji could answer, Hinata stumbled down the aisle, tapping old people on their backs and running away. Then she proceeded to the frozen food aisles and knocked on the glass doors, running away before anyone could answer.

"OMG! I LEFT MY NICKLE IN THE MEADOW!!" Neji cried and hopped out the door, which is hard for a pickle.

But after getting to the meadow, he found someone already sitting there. The strange character sat there, cross-legged with a list. A list, of _names…_

"…Yes, he'll need to go too…Oh, her too, definitely. She's an obnoxious (dirty word)…" She read of the names. Then broke into song… "IF I HAD DOLLAR, I'D HAVE A BUCKET OF PEOPLE WHO TOLD ME TO GET THE TRUCK FROM THE CART OF FOOD WHICH HAD RUN AWAY FROM DAH POPO!!"

As Neji hopped around to the other side, to see this chicks face. He read her shirt. It said "YouTube myspace and I'll google your Yahoo"

"OMFG! You're…oh…nope…It's just Ino again…"

Neji was disappointed. He thought he had left her at the store. Just then, Hinata came running out of the forest screaming her head off, until she tripped on Ino, who had stuck her leg out in front of her.

"OMFG! Neji! I have the perfect outfit for you!" Came another voice. This time it was Double Oh Cho and his…er…girl/boyfriend (we are not sure of its orientation at the moment. Do not worry, the test results come back SOON!) MILKYPOO! (A.K.A. Lee)

Milkypoo flew in and then tripped over a mangled bunny corpse. "What did you DO to them?!" He asked. Ino smiled with a dirrrrty grin. **(Author has dirrrrty grin too)**

"I wanted some lucky rabbit's feet so I had them stick a pencil in a light socket, and then throw the pencil at the ceiling and then touch people with the pencils, so the boogieman came and ripped all their legs off, among many _other_ **(dirrrrty grin)** things he did to them…" Ino explained. "But he ended up getting blood on the legs," She scowled. Just then, a flying purple golf cart came out of nowhere and crashed into Double Oh Cho.

"OMFG! HOLY (bad word) A FLYING PURPLE GOLF CART CAME OUT OF NO WHERE AND JUST CRASHED INTO CHOJI!" Hinata yelled, throwing dirt clods at Milkypoo.

Neji and I smacked Hinata on the back of the head.

"His NAME is DOUCLE OH CHO!" Neji shouted at the same Time I, the uber amazing, super wonderful narrator, said:

"I just said that! YEAH! I GET MY OWN CHATTY DIALOGUE THING! WHOOOT!" Hinata runs up to the narrator and glomps her. "Aww, I love you too."

Ino got mad. "MY HOE!!" She pulled out Pablo Paperclips, the whip.

"WEEEEOOOOOOEEEEEOOOOOO!" Suddenly, Shino ran into the field, a flashing light on his forehead. He pulled out a rock wrapped in a slice of bread. "We got a code 568purpleQ9Oprah. Psychotic rabbit killer with a weapon." Chhhhhhhh.

"Bring on the cinnamon altoids." A voice on the other end replied.

"NOO! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" Neji screamed, grabbing Ino by the hair and Hinata by the tail, He dragged them out of the meadow and shoved them into his closet.

"Sittin' here in the closet," Hinata sang," Won't come out of the closet." She paused and Neji and Ino stared at her.

"SO I PULL OUT MY GUN! BETTER COME OUT 'FORE I SHOOT SOMEONE!!"


End file.
